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It's called who can piss the other off the most and it goes like this...While I was busy working my ass off making sure 'Ralph the Bush' would have a place to stay, he would work just as hard growing so I'd be forced to use part of my precious free time, (in this case my vacation) knocking him back down to size. Unfortunately, after twelve years, the score was 'Ralph the Bush' 12, me 0.That day, I had wasted yet another half hour of my life trying to take him down a peg (or rather to a peg) when I looked down at him and was overcome by a horrible feeling of déjà vu. Something in me must have snapped because I turned suddenly herbicidal and out came the weed and grass killer. I keep it for those times when I'm too busy working weekends and can't find anyone to cut the grass.Hoping to drown him in a puddle of poisonous pesticide, I systematically saturated him with an entire gallon of the lethal liquid.With a look of sadistic glee on my face, I looked down at 'Ralph' as if expecting to. I figured she was still pissed at me for being such an asshole earlier."Look," I said, "I'm sorry about what happened before. I don't know what gets into me sometimes." I know what gets into you, Sam. Too much coke and too much booze." You're right, baby. I'm going to cut back ... starting now."She gave me a mournful look. "Oh, Sam, could you?" For you, baby, anything." I diverted my eyes from hers and plopped them back on the road.She unfastened her seatbelt and slid closer to me on the bench seat. I draped my arm around her, and she leaned her head on my shoulder."So," I said, "are you going to tell me how it went?"She gave a little nod. "When the guys arrived, I poured us all champagne and took care of business first. No one wanted to wear a condom, so I charged them an extra $150 each." Cheap," I said."Yeah, but there were three of them, and they weren't going to get their full time." I suppose." After I collected the money, I took my champagne over to the bed. Joe sat on one.
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